Is Humility the Path to Communion?

by Tina Coffey

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had opportunities to view the world through other people’s eyes on a couple of occasions.  The first came when a friend of mine that I have come to know through our children really opened up to me about some personal struggles she was having.  We’ve been friends for several years because of our children’s relationship, but this was different.  She shared with me on a deeper level and really showed me a vulnerable side that you don’t ordinarily see with casual friendships.  My eyes were really opened to a more full view of who she was. I was grateful that she trusted me enough to be so real with me and I think this experience touched me so much because this is a person that I have always admired and viewed as “having it all together.”  The experience brought us into a closer friendship.

The second experience came when I was looking through my teenage son’s phone to see what he had been up to.  One of the rules that my husband and I established with my son when we got the phone for him was that we had access to it at all times.  As I was reading some of the conversations he had shared with his friends, I became more aware of some of the relationships he has in his life with his peers.  Again, I saw more of who he was.  This gave me a view into his world that I don’t see on a regular basis.  While I didn’t find anything earth-shattering, there were definitely conversations that warranted some advice from Mom.  The resulting talk was initially uncomfortable for him, but allowed our relationship to grow as he saw a side of Mom that was understanding of what he is experiencing.  

These two experiences did something for me that was completely unexpected.  They reminded me how self-involved I am, which in a way is a natural thing.  After all seeing the world through our own eyes is usually the only view we have. I think we tend to be really wrapped up into our own lives, opinions, worries, etc...  Being allowed “in” to someone else’s world in a very intimate way was a wake up call for me.   

Having a window into the lives of these two individuals reminded me of something I already knew but tend to forget sometimes.  We human beings are broken.  From the moment Adam and Eve chose to separate themselves from God, they in turn, separated all of humanity from Him and the result is this brokenness that we experience.  I’m very familiar with my own brokenness.  For the most part, I’m aware of my faults and the sins that I struggle with.  While it is true that we can be aware of the sins and struggles of others, we don’t always have access to why others struggle.  We don’t typically have a window into their hearts or minds.  This is why judgement is reserved for God alone as God is the only one who really knows each of us.  He knows us better than we know ourselves.  While I feel like I understand my own struggles, there are definitely things I still discover about myself.  Being on a path of self-discovery is part of the path to discovering God.  We should always be working toward conforming our will with His and this process involves taking a good hard look at ourselves and working on letting go of our own selfish desires and being fully open to His desires for our lives.  

As I continue to learn about my faith and the riches it has to offer, I have come to discover the importance of and the depths of communion.  Communion with others and communion with God is what heaven is.  There can be no complete communion unless there is perfect love and of course God is the source of all love.  This brokenness prevents us from being in perfect communion with the source of all love and with each other.  Being aware of this is crucial in our spiritual battle because Satan wants us to remain broken and outside of communion.  That feeling of ‘being alone” often leads us to make bad choices for ourselves which is exactly what he wants.  He is the father of separation as he chose to be separated from God because of his pride.  

This leads me to my final point.  Pride is what drives us to put up false impressions of ourselves for each other.  Not being real with each other prevents real communion with family, friends, and our Father in heaven.  In order to fight pride and the sins that accompany it and in order to achieve communion, we have to embrace humility.  Humility is the tool that allows us to tear down the walls we put up between ourselves and others and ourselves and God.  Once we free ourselves from pride, we become free to encounter each other in a way that leads to real communion.  Humility is the path to communion and thus the path to heaven.  If you ever want to look at a picture of true humility, look no further than the cross.

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Will You Let Me Answer Prayer in You? - God

by Tina Coffey

Today in mass one of the songs we sang was called The Summons.  It has long been one of my favorites because of the beautiful lyrics and melody.  I’m sure if you heard it, you would immediately recognize it.  Today, however, a particular line stood out to me and I confess, I’ve never really noticed it before today.  The verse poses the question, “Will you let me answer prayer in you?”  

I kept thinking about it.  I couldn’t get that question out of my head.  “Will you let me answer prayer in you?”  We always talk about the importance of doing God’s will but I wonder how many of us are aware of how our actions that are in opposition to His will are preventing Him from answering prayers in our own lives and the lives of others.

A prime example that comes to mind is perhaps an unwanted pregnancy.  God often answers prayers in our lives through the actions or existence of other people:  A sick or dying person seeks a miracle from a doctor or the invention of a new drug created by a scientist;  A single person longs to find the love of their lives in their counterpart;  The unemployed father seeks work so he can support his family;  A struggling student looks to a teacher who understands the difficulties he faces in school.  

How many answered prayers are the result of an unplanned pregnancy?   How many missing doctors, scientists, spouses, business owners, and teachers are not here as the result of the 55 million abortions that have been performed in this country over the last 40 years?  

It can be difficult to let go of what control we think we have over our lives, but if we really face the facts, we truly have very little control over anything.  Abandoning oneself to God’s will is the most freeing thing a person can do.  Of course it is not always easy.  Satan is always ready to pounce whenever we have doubts.  Being aware of this fact is important in the spiritual battle that we all face.  

The next time you are asking God for something in prayer, stop and ask yourself if you are impeding His will in any way in your own life or the life of someone else.  After all, God doesn’t need to change, we do.

 Below you can hear the song, The Summons.

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The Spirituality of St. Francis of Assisi

by Tina Coffey

Below I am sharing an essay I wrote for a class I took on St. Francis of Assisi.  After learning about this saint, I am inspired to learn not only more about his life but the lives of other saints.  

How has this course influenced your comprehension of the Spirituality of Saint Francis and what do you perceive as the fundamental message for our world of today that you would like to implement in your own life and communicate through your own ministry?

St. Francis of Assisi

     Prior to taking this course my image of St. Francis was much like that of many other people in this world - a stone statue of a man surrounded by animals.  While this is a nice image, it barely touches on who he really was.  This seems to be the case with so many saints of the Catholic church.  They seem to be so far away from us.  As a result many people in this day and age do not consider the saints relevant and certainly do not strive to become saints as it seems to be an impossible task.

     This, to me, is the great irony of sainthood.  While there are definitely examples of pious people who are saints, the reality is there are many more who were sinners and struggled with fighting and overcoming sin.  Francis seemed to take this struggle to a whole new level.  In learning about who he was and how he lived his life, I recognize how, for many, sin has become a relative thing.  By this I mean that people in the modern world seem to measure themselves against each other.  “I’m not as bad as that guy, so I’m a pretty good person.”  Rather than measure himself against others, Francis truly measured himself against Christ.  To many, it might appear that he took his beliefs to extreme levels.  It is easy to view him as extreme when we are so immersed in this world.  Only when we fight the blindness caused by sin can we recognize that Francis was so conformed to Christ that he was not “of this world” in a spiritual way.  

     The message for our world today is to be aware of what this world is:  temporary.  By striving to remind ourselves of this fact, our perception of worldly things begins to change.  Our goals and purpose begins to change and as a result our daily activities begin to change.  This is so evident in how Francis lived his life.  He recognized the world for what it was and was so fervent in his desire to share that vision with every aspect of creation that he encountered.  

     What amazed me about him was how he never appeared to grow tired.  In my own faith journey, I find myself experiencing hills and valleys whereas there are times where I feel so on fire for God that nothing gets me down and I just want to shout my love for Him from the rooftops.  Then there are times when I get emotionally tired and I begin to let myself fall victim to the strategies of the devil.  Francis recognized the areas of life that could be potential danger zones for allowing evil in and he fought them.  This is key because it is something we have to recognize and instill in our own lives.   We have to be on guard.  I don’t think many people are aware of the strategies of Satan.  Things that appear harmless like idle time or being alone.  Francis recognized how these were occasions for Satan to get at us.  

     In my own ministry, my goal would be to educate others about the strategies of Satan and the strategies of Francis.  He truly lived what he professed and that is why people trusted and followed him.  So often we see people say one thing and do another and I think it hardens people into expecting that everyone has an agenda. Francis could have easily fallen victim to pride and power and wealth like so many other good people, but he recognized what those things do to us and he fought them.  By living a life of poverty, he was free from the things of this world that so often enslave us.  By humbling himself and teaching his brothers that they were to serve others, he did become “another Christ.”  By fighting his own will and recognizing the struggle of his will against God’s will, he lived a life of true obedience.  All of these things made him so much like Christ that he became united with Christ not only spiritually but physically.  He experienced union while still living on this earth.  Only someone who is so conformed to the will of Christ could take on the stigmata.  

     Overall, I feel so humbled by his life.  I see how I need to make changes in my own life and work harder at being a child of the most high God.  He makes me want to be a better person and in the end, that is what a saint should be.

Here are some great books on St. Francis of Assisi:

 Francis of Assisi: A New Biography

 The Lessons of Saint Francis: How to Bring Simplicity and Spirituality into Your Daily Life

 The Writings Of St. Francis of Assisi

 St. Francis of Assisi: A Biography


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Jesus, The Heart of the Church

by Tina Coffey

I'm currently taking a class that focuses on the fourth section of the Catechism of the Catholic Church which focuses on Christian prayer.  As I read my material this week, one word in particular stood out to me:  heart.  Over and over again in scripture and in the writings of the saints, we see the word heart.  When I think of the human heart, there are two aspects of it's function.  The scientific aspect is that it receives blood deficient in oxygen and pumps out oxygenated blood to the entire body.  The heart is what keeps all parts of our body alive.  

I actually reflected on my readings in the Eucharistic Adoration chapel at my parish.  As I sat and focused on the Host, I couldn't help but think that Jesus is the heart of the Church.  The Catechism tells us that the Eucharist is the "source and summit of the Christian life."  (CCC 1324)  In this way, just as the function of the human heart keeps all parts of the body alive, the function of Jesus in the Eucharist is what keeps the Church alive.  On the cross, Jesus received the sins of all of humanity.  In return, from that cross, we received mercy.  We literally received His life. His sacrifice was life-giving.  But the life we received from Him is not like the life we receive from our hearts which will one day stop beating.  The life we receive from Him is eternal.  

The second aspect of the function of the heart is something more abstract.  This is the part that refers to love.  Each one of us has this place inside of us that only we and God can know.  This innermost place is where we can meet God and where we can communicate with Him.  It is also where He communicates with us.  This place where we seek, thirst, and desire for "something" is put there by God.  He wants us to find Him there and to be with Him.  This is prayer.  Prayer is finding that connection with our Creator and growing in that relationship.  

Responding to that which He put inside each of us and pursuing that relationship is the greatest love there is.  There is an unmistakable peace that comes from relationship with God.  This is because His love and mercy are infinite.  We know that no matter how many times we fail, His love in never-ending.  To know that you are loved that way and to look forward to eternity in that love is indescribable.


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The Great Church Debate: Kids or No Kids in Church?

by Tina Coffey

Most of us are familiar with the age old debate about noisy kids in church.  There are typically two camps: You’ve got the young family with children who are trying to live their faith and attend church even though it can at times be a challenge. Some church goers are very supportive of these families because they’ve either been there and understand the challenges or they are just wonderfully patient and charitable people.  On the other side of the debate are those who feel like church should be silent and anyone causing a disruption should be ushered to the back - either to a cry room or some other separate area.  These people are trying to experience the Mass and want or need silence to feel like they are getting everything out of it.

I respect both sides as I’ve been in both positions.  This morning at Mass, I discovered myself in a third, less obvious category.  I am a wife and mom of three.  My kids are 14, 11, and 3 so we still have our challenging weekends with the three year old but, for the most part have gotten past the most difficult stage as she has gone to church enough to understand she needs to be quiet.  This is not to say that she doesn’t still have her noisy moments but having three, my husband and I have “been there, done that,” so we don’t get as stressed anymore when she gets a little out of hand.  

My family found ourselves sitting behind a couple this morning in Mass with two young children.  Their daughter looked to be about 2 or 3 and they also had a newborn boy.  The little girl started off talking out loud at which point the mom tried the typical distractions of offering snacks and toys.  When she asked her daughter to speak more quietly, the little girl decided she was going to get louder.  This poor lady then proceeded to get quite flustered while the dad sat their kind of clueless (sorry dads, I’m just telling it like I saw it).  The little girl continued being disruptive and the mom continued to fall apart.  At this point the wife began trying to convey things to her husband who appeared to be having trouble interpreting exactly what she wanted him to do.  (Sound familiar?)  She steadily became more flustered, packed up all the toys and snacks, fussed a little at her husband who somewhat resembled a frightened puppy at this point, then left with the little girl.  

As I sat there and watched all of this unfold, my husband and I gave each other knowing glances.  We weren’t upset about the noise.  After all, the little girl hadn’t been there long enough to cause a huge distraction.  We just smiled at each other and thought the same thing: “Thank goodness that’s not us this time.”  I did feel bad for them because I know how stressful it can be, but I’m ashamed to say, we secretly had a little laugh about the whole thing because we’ve been there so many times.  

I’m not always calm, cool, and collected by any means, but I’ve definitely learned over the years to not sweat the small stuff as much.  As parents we spend countless hours teaching our children, guiding them, lecturing them, and so on.  Our goal is to mold and shape them into future saints.  Here’s the great irony: without realizing it, they too are molding and shaping us into better people.  Being a parent has taught me so many things, some of which include the true meaning of sacrifice, patience, and most importantly love.  This is the beauty of the family unit.  We laugh together, cry together, fight together, and play together.  We learn from each other and grow with each other. 

By doing this, we can ultimately help each other get to heaven.

The Temperament God Gave Your Kids:

Motivate, Discipline, and Love Your Children


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Walking the Line Between Truth and Judgement

by Tina Coffey

Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a friend, acquaintance, or family member where you recognized that they were doing something wrong or sinful and wanted to share your concern with them but were hesitant to because you were afraid that they would think you were judging them?  I’m sure many of us have been in this situation.

What is a person to do?  If you share your concern, you are likely to push them away.  If you don’t, you are allowing and almost condoning the sin to continue which ultimately is bad for that person.

I’ve been struggling with this very question regarding someone I just recently met.  This person has been away from the faith for a very long time and has shown interest in possibly coming back.  Upon first meeting this person, I recognized that she just needed and ear.  She needed someone who would listen without judging her and so that is what I did.  I just listened to her.  Now I would like to make it clear that my background is in education, not counseling, so this area is not necessarily one that I particularly feel qualified in.  But, the situation called for me to be there for this person.  Upon listening to her story, I recognized that she was a good person who had made many bad choices in her life.  I also recognized that she didn’t really have the ideal guidance and support in her life that could have led her to better decisions.  In a way, I was overwhelmed.  I recognized how blessed I have been but also how sheltered my life was in comparison.  

This type of scenario is so difficult for me because I value truth so much - almost to a fault.  My honesty has gotten me in trouble in the past because I’m not very good at softening the blow as I’ve been told.  People don’t really like the truth.  I know that the truth isn’t always pretty when it comes to taking a good hard look at ourselves but I think taking a good hard look at ourselves, or examining our consciences is one crucial aspect of spiritual growth.  Examining one’s conscience forces us to see ourselves as we are - sinners.  

Jesus tells us in John 8:32 “the truth will set you free.”  He goes on to say that “everyone who commits a sin is a slave of sin.” (John 8:34)  When discussing our most recent book pick, The Seven Big Myths about the Catholic Church: Distinguishing Fact from Fiction about Catholicism, the topic of freedom and happiness came up.  The author focused on these subjects and really points out the necessity to define truly what happiness and freedom are.  So often people think that freedom means they can do whatever they want and doing whatever you want will make you happy.  One look around can prove that this thought process couldn’t be further from the truth - pun intended.  

Doing whatever we want as human beings often leads us to the opposite of freedom.  It leads us to enslavement.  For example, what if someone decided that they are free to do whatever they choose and they start drinking alcohol on a regular basis just to help them loosen up and be more social.  Eventually the person they can’t loosen up unless they have some alcohol first and finally the person realizes that they can’t get through the day without a drink.  This person is no longer free but has become a slave to alcohol.  

While we are free to choose to do whatever we want, choosing to do the right thing is the only kind of choice that leads to true freedom.  

This leads me back to the initial question at hand and another quote from scripture.  “Living the truth in love, we should grow in every way into Christ.”  (Ephesians 4:15) I believe God is calling me to be truthful but to do so out of love and in a loving way.  This is how we become less human and more divine as we die to ourselves and are filled with Christ Jesus.  When we are free from our own will and our will is perfectly conformed to the will of God - it is then that we are truly free.

06/06/2013 *Follow up to the above newsletter.  I came across this commentary by Father Robert Barron and thought what he is saying about tolerance and love complements the points I made in the above article.

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The Two Components of Effective Evangelization

by Tina Coffey

As some of my readers know, I'm working on a book.  One chapter focuses on evangelization.  For me, evangelization is something that has begun to take over my life.  I say that with some hesitance.  You see, by nature, I would call myself shy.  As a child, I was painfully shy.  As an adult, I feel like I have overcome my shynes for the most part.  I would credit being in a loving relationship with my husband and the contentment of being a part of a family as the major contributing factor that has helped me gain the confidence to overcome my shyness.  I have come to appreciate being in the company of others mainly because my faith has taught me to recognize the value and fruitfulness of communion with others.  God calls us to communion with others and communion with Him. Everything we do should lead us to this communion.  This brings me back to the topic at hand:  evangelization.

In order to be effective evangelizers, I feel there are two key components that are crucial: Teaching and touching. The purpose of evangelization is to share the gospel message in an effort to bring others into a relationship with Jesus Christ.  We must educate others on who Jesus was, what He promises, and the proof we have that He is the real deal.  We must touch others by connecting with them on a human level.  As human beings we all face the same challenges, most notably we all suffer.  By sharing the good news of Jesus Christ, we can show our brothers and sisters that this isn't all there is. There is hope for a brighter day!

This is the reason for this website.  We must first be catechized in order to catechize others.  The more you learn about God, you can't help but grow in your relationship with Him.  Once you are armed with this knowledge, the Holy Spirit uses the gifts each of us possesses to do amazing things.  But we each must be open to God's will and allow Him to use each of us as instruments to bring about the Kingdom of God.


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